Two non-approaches at the airport

I’ve just returned from T. to Moscow today, and having missed several approach opportunities I’m thinking I should just write down what I could have done there so that I don’t freeze in place next time I run into a similar situation.


First one

I was entering the baggage claim area of SVO, and I saw her. A cute slim brunette wearing a very revealing pair of shorts sitting in a coffee shop. I stopped there checking her out, trying to figure out how old was she, and apparently she’s taken notice. I wasn’t sure if she was young enough, so I didn’t approach right away (which was AA BSing me into not approaching), and then after walking around for some time waiting for my baggage, it was already kind of late to approach, I couldn’t come up with a decent opener, and thus I didn’t open her (which was again due to AA and nothing else).

Seriously though, something situational should have worked just fine:

Me: Hey, how’s coffee here?

Her: Good. [This is where I could have gauged her reaction]

Me: Then I’m going to grab a cup. You look surprisingly relaxed sitting here when everybody else’s running around looking for their luggage.

Her: …


Second one

The second one I’ve noticed in the baggage claim area. She was talking on the phone, apparently having arrived with her mother, who was looking out for their luggage at the transportation belt. I’m not super comfortable approaching girls 10 years my junior when their mother is around, but I had an opening with this girl while she was away from her mother looking for her friend. I didn’t jump on it, and the opportunity was lost. How I could have opened her?

Me: Hey, wait a second. [Stop her first]

Her: ???

Me: You’re likely the most beautiful girl in the whole airport. You’re not from around here, are you? [That’s me trying A3->C1 transition right away, but I really can’t think of anything better]

Her: [Either complies or refuses to go into C1]

This way it’s pretty much just flipping a stone, but it’s still better than doing nothing.


Hardcore Daygame 2017 Week 3

So I’ve been out daygaming for quite some time already, and got 0 bangs thus far. Seriously, this shit is starting to make me question my skillz!

In terms of daygame these past two weeks were actually quite chill. I’ve spent a week outside of Moscow doing almost no daygame (three approaches in 7 days, two of them ending with me ejecting because I didn’t fancy the girl), and mostly enjoying the sun and taking pictures for my Instagram account instead, which I plan to leverage as a DHV in online game. Which might not be a good idea given that in the past month I haven’t advanced past Day 1 even once. And given my mathematical background and a propensity to connect the dots even when I better not, this worrisome consistency is really starting to trouble me.

Anyway, before I go into full whining, here are some stats for the past two weeks:

  • One proper daygame session, and some approaches here and there.
  • 11 approaches, with me ejecting in 3 of them without asking for the number.
  • 2 numbers, both numbers from cute 6+ girls, one of them working as a model. Thus 25% efficiency. Not bad. Oh, and one Facebook from a cute 18yo schoolgirl with a boyfriend.
  • Shot down twice, both approaches in metro. My view on the Moscow metro as the worst daygame venue possible is cementing quickly.
  • Had one very positive idate, but the girl was in Moscow only for three days, and I couldn’t schedule a date with her.
  • One date with one of the girls I’ve met on Week 1.

Also checked out yet another club, but didn’t do any approaches there (even though I did see some decent targets). My nightgame sucks balls.

Ok, on to describe some of the stuff that happened.



I was on Tinder the whole time since early August, opening it up more or less regularly. I swipe only the really beautiful girls there, and so far got exactly zero dates out of it. I have a pretty streamlined operations, with the conversation usually going as follows:

Me: Hey! You look gorgeous!

Her: Thanks!

Me: How about I invite you for a cup of tea?

Her: Sounds good.

Me: Tell me your number.


I’m not a text game pro, so I don’t even try to text on Tinder. Besides, given the usual reply times I get, chatting would mean me having to constantly be on the phone throughout my day, and I usually have important shit to do. So the funnel on Tinder looks like this:

  • Roughly 10 matches.
  • Six of these replied to the compliment.
  • Three gave their numbers. This one I’m seriously failing to comprehend. Like, I’m inviting a girl for tea, she’s all “oh great”, I ask for her number, and… silence!
  • Two actually cared to pick up the phone. In the 3rd case I didn’t care to call right away, and this was probably the problem.
  • One I invited on a date, and she flaked.
  • The second one I planned to invite later, and three days after the first call (which was super positive with her turning into a giggling mess) she didn’t pick up the phone and didn’t care to call back.

The total lack of progress here and the look of the funnel makes me think that some of the girls are on Tinder just fishing for Instagram followers. And given that the girls I’m after already have their follower counts in the thousands (the one I invited had 25K), I’m thinking they’re getting so much validation that their value in their own eyes is sky-high. So pursuing them is probably a lost cause, but I’ll continue trying once I get myself a flashier Instagram account sorted.

Another option would probably be DMing on Instagram, but I’m failing to see how this will work on girls with tens of thousands of followers. Maybe I’m just expecting way too much from online game.


What to work on

I was also thinking a lot about the areas I need to improve given the real life feedback I got from the recent approaches and (a lack of) dates, and the rough list is actually quite long:

  1. My approaches rely on the girl liking me, and I never even try to turn around the sets that don’t go well from the start. In MM terms it means that I’m always starting from A3, and then jump right into C1. Here is a breakdown of Krauser’s game by YaReally on RM, and it seems I’m just doing the same thing. I’m tall, muscular, dressed better than 99% of other men, and this gives me a huge advantage in the field. And then I just flip the stones with my usual “you look good” A3 opener, and see if the girl hooks. I don’t do any game in nightclubs, and I must admit I don’t feel very comfortable there. That’s a lot to work on.
  2. My communication still sucks. If on a date the girl doesn’t actively participate and throw in new topics, I tend to run out of material, and the communication dies down. I didn’t have this happen for quite some time, but I do remember it happening on one occasion several months ago.
  3. I don’t lead the conversation into rapport- and tension-building topics. In most cases it happens anyway, but then sometimes it doesn’t.
  4. I’m still not fully relaxed on dates and not jumping naturally on opportunities as they present themselves. E.g. I usually don’t go for the kiss when the girl is 10 cm away from my face looking at my lips, and while it might make logical sense (bad logistics => no point in kissing & heavy kino, or we’ve met only 1 hour earlier and her forebrain might not like going for the kiss that soon), I’m usually hesitating not out of logic, but because I’m simply afraid.
  5. I’m acting needy from time to time. Like following up a call that a girl didn’t pick up with a text.

I’m thinking I can deal with #1 doing more night game, #2 and #3 would require more practice on dates (and probably asking some of my friends who are good at it to take a mic on one of their dates). #4 would require going into the area where I totally lack any experience (and thus calibration). And #5 would require applying some discipline.

So, what is actionable:

  1. Check out how other dudes do night game. Having a plan is better than having none.
  2. Do nightgame.
  3. Check out how PUAs turn around bad sets.
  4. Try turning a daygame set around.
  5. Buy a microphone so that I could record my sets / dates and see what can be improved.

I’ll get back in a week or two.

Hardcore Daygame 2017 Week 1

So I decided to do another hardcore daygame streak this year. A little bit too late, should have started in April, but late is better than never.

First, this week’s stats:

  • 5 daygame sessions, mostly 2-3 hours long.
  • 21 approaches. In 7 of those I ejected without asking for the number as the girls weren’t cute enough. Thus 14 “real” approaches.
  • 6 numbers. Four of those from 7+ girls, one of which was miss Uryupinsk contest winner (a city of 500K, name changed). That’s 42% efficiency among the girls I genuinely fancied. Not bad.
  • I was shot down only one or two times. The rest of non-numbers were due to the girls having husbands or boyfriends. Most of the chats were very warm and girls were genuinely happy about my approach.
  • One of the numbers I got happened to be from a whore (judging by her whatsapp picture). I’m thinking of messaging her with something along the lines of “you have some spicy pics here”, and maybe I’ll get a discount…
  • I called four girls, none of them cared to pick up the phone or call/message back. I’m all WTF about this. I seriously don’t remember having such low efficiency.
  • Went on 0 dates.

I also checked out one club and several bars. Could have made some approaches in the club, but AA took me. And didn’t see any worthy girls in the three bars I’ve visited. I still remember how one 7+ girl was eyeballing me to the point of giving me an erection while her BF was buying her drinks though…

OK, on to describe one of the approaches.


An Old Friend

I was taking a stroll on Kamergersky as I saw two cuties, a blonde and a brunette, walking towards me, totally immersed in their chick-chat. The blonde was kind of cute, the brunette a little bit chubby, so after hesitating for a moment I turned around and followed them. And then I realized that the brunette looks really familiar. She was wearing sunglasses, which made things harder, but my gut was telling me that I knew her.

I hesitated some more and approached them. Brunette opened me first.

Brunette: Vlad!

Me: Valentina!

Brunette: What a surprise! What are you doing here Vlad? Girl-hunting again?

Me: [I totally wasn’t expecting this shit test] I’m here with a friend, meeting another one of my friends. And you?

Brunette: Just walking around, as you can see. Why haven’t you been in touch?

[Some more shit tests and chit chat followed, and then I dropped this bomb]

Me: You know, you have a really beautiful friend. [Looking at blonde] What’s your name?

Blonde: Thank you! I’m Katya.

Just to give you some context, I have approached Valentina in metro some 3 years ago, went on several dates with her, got her to my apartment, but after 4 hours of LMR (with her rubbing against my manhood vigorously) decided to give up. We weren’t really in touch for the last 2 years.

So this bomb has really triggered her, and what followed was a barrage of shit tests. To quote a few:

Brunette: Have you always been bald? I don’t remember. I think you look better this way.

Me: [with a shit-eating grin] Is it that you give so little fucks about me that you don’t even remember how my hair looked?

This one wasn’t handled well, as the content of my answer sounds butthurt. I delivered it very playfully, but I do believe I could have handled it better. Something along the lines of “and I thought you had good memory” would have worked better.

Brunette: I’ve gotten a little fat these days.

Me: Well, getting lean is easy, you just don’t eat.

Brunette: Doh! Just finished another doughnut. And you Vlad haven’t changed at all, still just as skinny.

Me: I have actually put on some 5 kilos since we’ve last met.

Brunette: And where are those 5 kilos?

Me: [with a shit-eating grin] In all the important places.

[They both laugh]

This one also wasn’t handled that well. Maybe “too bad I’m not into doughnuts” (with a sad face) could have worked better.

Brunette: No, I’m not giving up my friends for you to hire them.

Me: And why is that?

Brunette: They’re mostly self-employed, and it is waaaaay better than working for someone else.

Me: Depends on what you do. If you’re freelancing, then [my company] pays way better. Same goes for small business.

Brunette: Believe me, working for someone else is the worst.

Me: It really depends. [I switch topic, unfazed]

This one I really don’t know how to handle. I didn’t want to spill the beans in front of these two and tell them I’m clearing quarter mil a year at my company while their sucker friends are likely living on $2-3K per month, so I just switched the topic.

Brunette: [as I’m taking phone # of her friend] What’s that? An iPhone 5?

Me: It’s 5s actually.

Brunette: Why are you carrying around this piece of antiquity?

Me: It serves me well, see no reason to upgrade.

Brunette: What serves well is iPhone 7 Plus. It has a waaay better camera.

Me: I’m not really using a camera. What for?

Brunette: For selfies of course.

Me: I don’t take them.

Brunette: Well, you should.

Me: [eye roll]

I guess I could have said I’m against pointless consumerism, but that sounds somewhat tryhard. So again, I see no better way to handle this one.

The bad part? The blonde is not even that cute. I checked out her FB and she looks a little bit chubby. Still, I’m thinking I should try to fuck her just to mess with Valentina.



Well, apparently there’s still a lot to work on for me. My problems as I see them right now:

  • I’m not very good in making small talk with girls. I sometimes catch myself not pursuing some topics and not asking personal questions because deep down I don’t think I have the right to. Seriously. And it’s so automatic I’m not even noticing it.
  • I’m not very emotional on dates and during approaches, and I guess this confuses some of the girls. They can see I want them (otherwise they wouldn’t be shying away and giggling like crazy), but my bet is that my automatism makes them uneasy. The best part? I know how to deal with it. I did practice expressing my genuine adoration several times, and it worked wonders. Just need to do it more.

But. To fix these points I need more dates, which I’m having none right now. Oh daygame gods, grant me luck.


Cockblock Short Stories

I… just love Google Image Search


I was out daygaming in Moscow metro recently, and the quality I was seeing was truly disappointing. Seriously, after taking several numbers from sexy 6+ girls in one of the Moscow malls, I felt as if I’ve just descended into the Underdark. After half-assing through several approaches to borderline plain Janes, I decided to go to Oktyabrskaya station as that’s the place where girls normally get out for a walk in Gorky park.

One or two more approaches followed, with me ejecting because the girls just weren’t cute enough. What I have noticed in the process is that approaches in metro are more difficult than anywhere else (and I used to love metro!). Girls are less receptive (as they’re usually in a hurry), it’s hard to talk because of all the noise, so if you want to be heard you have to either lean in or talk very loudly. Either way, you’ll look tryhard. And even if you’re the best dressed man on the station, the simple fact that you’re approaching her in metro is a DLV.

Anyway, after 20 minutes at Oktyabrskaya I was starting to get pissed at the quality the Daygame Gods were throwing at me. And then I saw her, a slim brunette 7 in tight jeans with long lustrous hair. Overfilled with joy by this sudden blessing, I followed her with a big smile on my face.

To my surprise, I wasn’t the only one to notice her, and as I was getting close, I spotted two guys right behind her who were obviously talking about her. Then one of them separated, and another one started to close in. “DA FUCK! I’m not letting this happen”, was what I thought when I jumped right in front of the poor guy and opened the girl before he could realize what was going on. She was in a bitch mood and nothing came out of it.

Still, imagine how it looked for this guy. You daygame in metro with your wing, and suddenly a really beautiful girl appears. You have pretty bad AA, but your wing talks you into approaching. It takes every ounce of willpower to make your first step towards her. And then, as you’re closing in, finally resolved to open her, some random dude jumps right past you and opens her in your place. And you were so close! WTF just happened???

I took great delight in this.



I was walking around the Gorky park, enjoying myself and not really planning to do any daygame. Thinking about some stuff at work, my PUA pattern recognizer suddenly picked up on a dialogue that was taking place almost in front of me.

Nice guy: Come on, maybe this is your chance for a happy future, and you’re giving up on it like that.

Tall brunette: Yeah… I really don’t think that’s what it is…

Nice guy: [Some more BS that I don’t even remember]

And then I realized that the brunette was there with another girl who was following right behind, obviously thinking hard of how to rescue her friend from this unfortunate predicament. I remembered that I’ve seen both girls before, but filtered them out as not cute enough. And as I was about to leave them be, looking at the second girl with a shade of sympathy on my face, she noticed me and something clicked in her. As I was to discover 10 seconds later, she’s finally devised a rescue plan.

Tiny blonde: See what’s happening here?

Me: Yeah, I do think they’re a good match.

Tiny blonde: Come on! Actually, she liked you, how about you save her from this creep?

Me: Oh come on, she’ll miss her chance for happiness.

Tiny blonde: [grabs her friend by the arm] Look, you two need to get to know each other. Her name is Tanya.

[Nice guy ejects]

Me: I’m Vlad.

Tiny blonde: Cool. You know, we’ve noticed you before and Tanya thought you were kind of cool.

Me: Oh, I see where this is going… I’m sorry, but I’m taken.

Tiny blonde: Well, you still can go on a date with her.

Me: …aaaand I have dates like this queued for the next 20 years or so, so I don’t think this will work.

Tiny blonde: [speechless]

Both girls were at most 5s on the scale. The guy was likely totally devastated.

I took great delight in this.

LTR Text Game

These days I’m too busy chasing skirt and making $$$ to actually post anything here, but from time to time I do have episodes of alpha badassery that are short and totally worth sharing.

So here is a recent text exchange with my ex-LTR who happened to have to move out of Russia around a month ago but is still pretty much into me.

Me: Suddenly Niagara Falls!

[photo of niagara falls]

Her: Come on, “suddenly”!

[1.5 hours later]

Me: I was expecting a different answer

Her: Like this one?

Her: You asshole 😀

Her: Of course it’s beautiful

Her: Very beautiful

Her: I’d like to be there

[20 minutes later]

Me: Different

Her: What kind?

Me: 😀 😀 😀

Her: All my guesses were wrong?

Me: Yeah

Me: You can do better

Her: Like what?

Me: “Suddenly tits!”

Her: Ahaha 😀

Her: With a photo?

Her: :]

Me: Don’t know if there even exists a better answer

Her: Forget what I’ve written before

Her: Aaaand… here they are!

[photo of her tits]

[more irrelevant text follows]


[several hours later]

Me: [some random photo of a scenery I’m enjoying]

Her: I was expecting a photo of your erection 😀

Me: [random photo from google of a guy coming all over a glass table]

Her: Looks like sperm

Her: And legs of some chick 😀

Me: 😀 😀 😀

[her hamster goes hyperdrive, and 20 minutes later she cannot hold it anymore]

Her: I didn’t hear the original interpretation

Her: Of what’s on that photo

Her: 😀

Her: I can see a high heel

Her: Who the fuck is this girl? 😀

Me: Just some random pic from Google 😀 😀 😀

Her: Oh you 😀 …


This is a ex-LTR, so text game is easy. Still, pay attention to the pauses, to the amount of text she’s sending, and to that hamsterspin I’ve sent her into with that last picture.

New Year Status Update


Happy New Year!

It’s January 2017, and a time for the end-of-the-year post.

2016 was a tough year for me, yet I’m confident to say it was also the best year of my life so far. I have achieved a lot, cleaned up a lot of clutter that’s been sitting in my head for a long time, banged several new girls, and started to see a bigger picture for my life. The plans for 2017 are even more ambitious.



First, the girls part. I had only 3 new lays this year. The first one was a very plain co-worker, who I shouldn’t have fucked at all. I remember bringing her home, throwing her on the bed, removing her dress and saying to myself something along the lines of “Oh my fucking God!” There was no turning back at this point though, and since we worked at the same company, I had to fuck her some more afterwards. In the end, after realizing I’m not down for anything but a good fuck once every two weeks, she dumped me, and I felt relieved. There’s really nothing to be proud of here, but I guess I needed this experience to understand that some girls are better left unfucked.

The second one was a nerdy law student I met in August. A cute 21yo who was totally crazy in bed. Unfortunately, in November she decided to put on some more fat, and this was totally turning me off. So after another good fuck I simply stopped calling her.

The third one was a really beautiful seven that I’m still fucking. In terms of the overall qualities I care for in a non-monogamous LTR girl, she’s the best one I’ve ever been with. Very caring, cooks well, does great massages, takes really good care of herself, and, well, looks gorgeous, both dressed and undressed. She’s not super smart though, and this got me thinking.

The most pleasant relationships I’ve ever had were with average IQ girls. These girls seem to perfectly understand that what they’re bringing to the table is looks, sex, and feminine energy, and work hard at maximizing these. Smart girls try to use their smarts as a selling point, but the problem is that, first, I’m still way smarter, and second, for me smarts always come second to their looks and femininity.

This is somewhat worrisome, as I do want to have smart children, and my understanding of biology tells me that marrying an average IQ girl is not the best way to optimize this. The fact that masculinity and IQ don’t always go hand in hand in modern population (rather, there is a lot of evidence around that they are almost always mutually exclusive) doesn’t make the task any easier as the only reliable way to get a smart feminine girl that I’m aware of is to make sure she has a smart masculine father.

I might be a victim to a small sample size here though, and I’m not entirely sure where the chicken and the egg are in this particular dynamic. Is it that average IQ girls innately understand that the only agency they have for attracting mates is their beauty and feminine energy, and thus work hard on maximizing these, and smart girls let themselves be deceived by the social propaganda of “smart is the new sexy”, or is it that smarts and femininity are uncorrelated? I guess I now have no choice but to bang more girls to figure this one out. And I can always say I’m doing it for the science! “Increasing my sample size and shit.”

Anyway, back to the girls part. This year, for the first time in my life, I’ve finally started to feel on a really deep level that I don’t actually need women. That is, women stopped being the #1 priority for me, and I don’t give much fucks if I end up without a single FB for the time being. This was pretty liberating, as it freed up my mental resources for other pursuits, which I plan to work harder on in 2017. I have no plans to stop chasing skirt though.

And just as it’s been in the last two years, despite the low number of approaches I did (less than 200, probably somewhere in 120-150 range), and the low number of notches, I’ve still seen an increase in quality of the girls I’m fucking. I’m making progress, my brain is slowly rewiring itself, and the next year will likely be even better.

Also this year I did another spartan experiment, and I must admit I had to end it prematurely. After several weeks of non-stop approaches something clicked, and I started going on dates every single day. This in turn made me even more effective in the fields, but there was one problem. I couldn’t work anymore, and I constantly was in “accelerated” state, as we call it here. That is, very positive, open and social, but unable to concentrate. My work took a hit, and I was feeling as if the life I was living wasn’t my own. I stopped going out soon afterwards. I plan to do it again this year, want to see how far I could take it.

Looking back at my path to where I’m at now, it’s pretty funny. I’ve first heard about pickup when I was 20. I started doing it when I was 25. I’m now approaching 30 and I’m finally at peace with where I’m at in this area of my life. It took almost 10 years for me, but it can definitely be done waaaay faster.



I’ve spent most of my energy this year on work, and it did pay off. I’m an engineering manager right now, and after having been doing this for almost a year, I’ve finally understood what all this “management” is about. And I must admit that my pickup practice has helped me tremendously. Basically, after practicing pickup with a reasonable devotion for some time, you learn a bunch of skills that are applicable in every area of your life. You name it, pickup teaches it.

Sales? Check. In pickup, you are the goods, and you’re selling yourself every single time you’re hitting on a girl. Thanks to sales practice in pickup, I was able to attract the best talent to my team, as hiring is also about selling yourself, only this time as a future boss of a prospective candidate.

Courage? Check. Fighting AA takes some balls, and if you have none, you’ll have no options but to grow a pair once you start approaching. After hitting on random chicks on the streets, being thrown to speak before a hostile audience of some 500 software devs willing to nitpick you to death looks like child’s play. Seriously, public speaking came easy to me, even when the audience didn’t like what I was saying. As it turns out, even in an argument against several hundred angry software devs, the one who holds the frame still wins. Remember how Trump won the elections?

This brings us to frame control. Pickup teaches you to sense where the frame is, and to subtly manipulate it in your favor. Most people are completely oblivious to this dynamic. After enough practice you start doing it on autopilot, easily imposing your frame on other people and ultimately making them do what you need to be done. It works especially well on women, as in this case you can also throw all your game in.

Honesty with oneself? Check. By forcing you into the streets, pickup presses you hard into facing the reality. If you want to improve, you have no options but to accept the facts that the reality is throwing at you, and work from there. Delusional gammas never get laid, and women are super good at sniffing out your weak spots that you’re hiding even from yourself. So if you suck with women, it usually means that you also suck at life in general, and you have to accept this fact before moving forward. And getting over it gives you like +100 bonus to your introspection skill. Spotting your weak spots after that becomes easy, and thus makes it easy for you to fix them.

Style? Check. The first thing that a decent PUA coach will make you do is maximize your looks. And if he doesn’t, going through the acceptance of the fact that you suck will still make you realize that you need to max your looks out. Thus, you really have no options.

All of these sum up to what people dub Charisma or Charm. These help with making sure your colleagues like you on emotional level.

What else?

Pickup is a grind, and if you manage to go through it, you’re practicing discipline, which is one of the most important skills in life. There is a quote that I’ve picked up somewhere on the manosphere that sums it up:

One of the most important skills that will bring you to success is being able to do what you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do it. Otherwise you’ll end up doing even more of what you don’t want to do later, in circumstances when you wouldn’t want to do it even more.

The skill this guy is talking about here is discipline. And when looked at from this angle, it becomes clear why it is so important. You’re not hitting on girls now and not working on your game? Well, brace yourself for an unhappy marriage 10 years down the road that will suck you dry of all your energy, and maybe a divorce settlement that will also unburden you from most of the material wealth that you’ve been working so hard at accumulating. You’re not working on improving the metrics that your boss is reporting to the higher management for, playing instead with some piece of code that you find way more interesting? Brace yourself for missing a promotion and spending several more years as a regular developer.

I must admit, my discipline still sucks balls, and for my whole life I’ve mostly been coasting on talent and intelligence. But I guess I’m still way more disciplined than the majority of the population. Needless to say, discipline really helps in career development.

And then there is the last part. Pickup teaches you machiavellianism, even if like me you cannot really spell this word. Pickup is about getting to fuck the girl as quickly as possible, and in some cases this will require a certain dose of duplicity on your part, while at the same time completely believing in your own bullshit. I remember how it struck me first when I heard about a friend inviting a girl to his home to pick up his bike so that they could go out biking. The kicker? He didn’t even have a bike! Still fucked her though. Again, needless to say, this skill helps in career development as long as you don’t overdo it.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a section about my career successes. Let’s try again.


Career, seriously!

This year I’ve seen a 2x increase in income, and the trend will likely continue, only with a smaller multiplier. I have also moved completely into management, and I’m not writing much code these days. This is both good and bad, as the resolution to give up complete control over our code base has really freed my hands, but as I’m a natural introvert, I’m really missing the days when I could just code for the whole day without all the meetings. What lies ahead? Likely more cash, more responsibility, and more free time.

I have also finally realized how to make things work in a large team. From developer perspective it seems that all these managers aren’t really doing anything, and this can’t be any farther from the truth.

There was also one problem. I’ve finally realized that I don’t fit in in my company, and I’m also unlikely to fit in anywhere else. I don’t respect (most of) my managers as they’re all blue pill to the bone and when I check out their Facebook profiles I can see “sucker” plastered all over their faces on every single photo. I used to think that this is due to my unresolved issues with my blue pill past, but after looking at it more closely I don’t think this is the case. Just think about taking orders from a gamma and you’ll understand.

What this leaves me with is that if I’m to preserve my sanity and long-term happiness, at some point I’ll have to start my own company. I have no idea what I’ll work on, and I’ll have to spend more time on this in 2017.

And then there is a fact that I simply won’t make my millions working for someone else, and the apartment I want to live in costs north of $1M. So I really have no choice.


Common themes

I have also checked out my private journal that I’ve been updating from time to time this year as part of the morning notes ritual. The common themes are lack of discipline, and stress from overwork. These are two areas that I’ll need to work on in 2017.

Not getting stressed from work seems to be pretty tangible, as for the most part of this year I was really pushing myself as I simply wasn’t equipped to deal with all my responsibilities. I’m past this stage now, and I’ve hired several bright guys who I can delegate most of the coding to, so I think this part will resolve itself even if I don’t consciously work on it.

Discipline is a harder topic, as in my case it’s all about the vicious cycles that are hard to break. Getting stressed at work leads to having no free energy, which leads to skipping workouts, which leads to feeling miserable because of it and more stress accumulating. Not a nice combination. The only way to fix this that I can think of is taking proper vacations to recharge. I think I’ll be able to fix this in 2017.


What next?

I don’t like New Year’s resolutions, so I don’t think I’m going to do any promises here, I already have enough pressure in my life. But outlining the general areas for improvement will definitely help for the bigger picture.

Easy part first, girls. I do plan to do another spartan experiment with non-stop approaches this year, and I really want to see what lies past the stage that I had to stop at this year. And getting more notches (for the science!) will also be nice, as my notch-count hyena is not yet satisfied.

Health comes second. I’ve skipped way too many workouts this year, and has generally let my health take a hit with all the stress at work. I’ll need to take more care about my regimen, and this is both about workouts, proper sleep and nutrition.

And then there is a big picture of where I want to be in 5 years. I need to be making way more cash than I am now as even getting to $1M net worth will take prohibitively long at my current pace. Even if I move to the US to maximize my cash inflow, it’ll still take another 5 years at least. So I’ll probably have to blackmail my employer this year into paying me more, and start thinking hard about where to move next.

Also finally buying my own apartment in Moscow would be nice, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull it off this year. But I’ll try.

Quite a lot of stuff to do for one year.

And then there is an even bigger picture for the next 10-20 years, which I yet have no idea how to approach, and which I’m not sure I’ll be able to realize in my lifetime. I’m a bright guy and it bugs me that I’m wasting my smarts on some code that nobody will need in 10 years. That’s too small of a dint on the canvas of mankind’s history. I remember when I was a child I was interested in space travel, fusion power, space elevators, all the cool stuff that SF authors write about. And what I’m seeing mankind doing now is totally contrary to what I believe our goals as a species should be. Pointless wars, raging corruption, criminal misallocation of resources, and general “enjoy the decline” moods among my peers. As somebody has pointed out, one of the biggest disappointments for an INTJ is that if 100% of the population were INTJs we would’ve already started colonizing the galaxy. Instead, we waste our resources inventing laptops with shortcuts for emojis. What a disgrace.

I’m unlikely to start doing anything about it this year, but I need to keep this vision in my head as I believe moving mankind forward is one of the few things really worth spending one’s life on.

The Simulation Argument


It’s been quite a long time since I’ve last posted here, and despite the fact that this a game blog, this post is going to be totally unrelated to game. Because, well, I can. And because I’m not doing much daygame lately, only writing code, planning, and thinking about what the future holds.

I’m going to tell you about the so-called “simulation argument”, an idea that we might actually live in a world simulated by some insanely powerful supercomputer. And some ideas that really thinking it through might lead to.


The Simulation Argument, and What Follows

When faced with the questions like “what is life?” and “what am I doing here?”, one inevitably comes all the way to the ultimate question of “why all of this even exists at all?” I was the same, but the first time I seriously took to think about it was around three years ago, right after starting daygame (which shook my world to the core, I must say).

I remember I was reading some short story on the internet that involved simulated realities, unboxing (that’s when the sentients you’re simulating take over your own reality), and, for reasons I don’t remember, Suzymiya Haruhi. I was all wtf about the Suzumiya Haruhi part, but the rest of the story was quite compelling. And I’ve just tried googling for it, and it’s nowhere to be found, what a pity. Anyway. As far as I remember, the plot involved a group of reality-jumpers who were trying to unbox their way into the upper-level reality, the only one that was real. That got me thinking.

Suppose our own reality can be simulated on a sufficiently advanced supercomputer with shitloads of RAM and raw processing power. So far I know nothing that would prevent it from being so. That is, there is nothing in our physical reality that is uncomputable (e.g. we cannot, say, solve a halting problem by manipulating elementary particles in some unusual ways), and the fact that we have Planck length for a minimal distance that can be measured by any means conceivable suggests that space is, in fact, quantized. Of course, there are a lot of arguments against this train of though, but I cannot really discuss them here without getting way too deep into theoretical physics, and this is a game blog. So let’s just pretend our reality can be simulated.

The two blocks you need for the working simulation are the state, which is going to be evolved over time, and the program, which is going to govern the rules by which the state is evolved. For the state, we have positions of all elementary particles in the universe together with their speed, or, if you’re way too into quantum mechanics and/or special relativity, and willing to nitpick at me by asking “which frame are these positions in?” or “elementary particles don’t have positions, didn’t you know that?”, I’ll just say fuck you, this is a goddamn game blog.

What’s left is a program, and let’s say it’s some yet-undiscovered by humanity theory-of-everything, implemented in plain C++.

So given the starting conditions for the observable universe (remember we had a supercomputer with shitloads of RAM?), we could run our simulation all the way into year 13 billion-something, right up to the moment of you reading this line. If you’re being simulated, does that make your experience of reading this post any less real? The answer is no, it doesn’t. It’s pretty damn real for you.

Then, suppose the superbeing responsible for the simulation (let’s call him Jack) decided to visit his buddy Joe to show him some of the funny articles the sentients in the simulation are sharing on the internet. So he stopped the simulation, stored the state on HDD, went to his buddy’s house, plugged the HDD in, and restarted the simulation on Joe’s supercomputer. Will you feel the lag? Will you feel that the simulation has’t been run for a short time? The answer is no, you won’t. You simply have no means to.

Then, suppose the CPU of Jack’s supercomputer broke down, and he decided to just plug in some shitty ARM chip as a replacement, just like the one I have in my iPhone. The simulation now takes forever to compute, but Jack is not in a hurry, so he waits patiently, and the simulation does advance. It just does it, say, 10^1000 times slower. Will you notice the difference? No, you won’t. The subjective time inside the simulation will run at the same speed.

OK, next step. The state that we’ve been talking about is, essentially, just a very large bit string. Pretty much like any file on you PC. Each tick, the bit string is slightly changed by the simulation program, producing the next state. What if Jack decided to shut down the simulation on his home supercomputer, then went to the university lab, logged in into the ubersupercomputer he had there, and started randomly generating and simulating all possible states there, until finally generating and proceeding to simulate the state he’s left at home. Will you notice the difference then? Note that there is no data transfer involved in this case.

What if the supercomputer generated a state of you 1000 ticks into the future? Will you feel the missing 1000 ticks (that’s waaaaay less than one second, by the way)?

What if it was 10^6 ticks into the future? 10^20? 10^100? 10^10000, somewhere in the heat-death-of-the-universe zone? What if Jack turned off the simulation at home, never went to the lab, thrown out his supercomputer and decided never again to play with simulated universes? Will you notice the difference then? If you answered “no” to all of the previous questions, then there is no reason to say “yes” here.

If you’re still not convinced, here is another detail that might help. As stated above, the state of the simulation is basically a binary string. And a binary string is basically a number. It’s just that in our case it’s a really, reaaaaally large number. Thus, what our simulation does, is very simple. Given the first number, it applies the program that advances it by 1 tick, thus getting the next number, and then repeats this process ad infinitum. Thus the simulation is just a sequence of numbers, pretty much like a Fibonacci sequence. Does the Fibonacci sequence get any less real if we don’t compute it? If we compute only the first 1000 elements, do the rest somehow disappear? No, they don’t. They’re just there.

Now comes the mind blower.

Does the Fibonacci sequence become any less real if nobody is really computing it? Does it really need a computer to exist? I bet nobody’s ever computed 10^1000000th element of Fibonacci sequence, but this fact doesn’t make it any less real. It does exist.

So, back to our simulation. What if Jack never had a supercomputer in the first place? What if Jack never existed at all? Does the fact that the simulation was never actually run change anything?


The Level IV Multiverse

There were some assumptions here that you might not agree with (mainly about our universe being simulatable), but the rest should be pretty solid. What this leads to is that for our universe to exist, it doesn’t really have to “exist” anywhere, as a simulation or in some other form. Just the fact that it can be described by math makes it real.

The next step to take is to understand that all other possible universes, with different starting conditions and different programs governing the state transitions, are just as real. That’s Max Tegmark’s Level IV multiverse consisting of all universes which can be described by different mathematical structures.

So here you have it. You’re just a piece of math that doesn’t even exist anywhere in a sense you’re used to.


Game, anyone?

Ok, this is a Game blog, so I had to come full circle.

Back in 2014 I had crippling AA. What sometimes helped me was remembering the conclusions drawn from the Simulation Argument. It was pretty much as follows:

  1. Vlad sees a hot girl. AA starts creeping in.
  2. Vlad remembers that he’s just a piece of math that doesn’t even exist anywhere.
  3. Reinvigorated with his newfound understanding of the Universe, Vlad runs up to the hot girl with a wide IDGAF grin plastered on his face.
  4. PROFIT!

However, for this to work, you need to really believe on a deep level in the conclusions drawn here.

Happy daygaming!

False Rape Accusations Now in Russia


It sucks to admit it, but apparently my country has already boarded the rampant feminism train, and is now going at full speed into the same oblivion where US and Western Europe already reside. It just sucks.

A girl I’ve been fucking for some time is a law student, and has just relayed to me a story that was widely covered in the press this week. The story is all too familiar to anyone who’s been following the false rape cases in the US as highlighted on various manospehere blogs. Mike is known for quite a lot of posts on it.

University freshmen in Russia usually have a party that we call “posvyat”, which can be roughly translated as “initiation”. Crazy stuff usually happens there, but everybody leaves happy. Every university has its own traditions, but most of the unis in Moscow just rent a large club and do their posvyat there. This was the case with MADI, Moscow Automobile and Road Construction State Technical University.

Everything was going well, except for the fact that one of the students has brough his slutty friend with him, who wasn’t even a student. Well, as we all know, alcohol & good men around is a deadly combination for a slut, so one thing led to another. First, she was seen outside the club kissing one guy, and then hugging another one (no that bad yet, but given that she had a boyfriend, it is in fact pretty bad). Then she was spotted dancing topless in the club (evidence is shaky here, and apparently she has just flashed her tits several times). Then she invited several guys to the toilet and let them fuck her, sucked their dicks and did all things imaginable.

The guys were stupid enough to film it all and share on vk the next day. I repeat, this was extremely stupid of them, showed a total lack of foresight on their part, and ultimately was the reason the situation turned ugly. If a drunk girl decides to fuck you in a toilet, don’t share the video afterwards! Be very discreet about her sluttiness, and you will be rewarded with not being dragged through courts and jailed afterwards! So, given the video, it was no longer possible to hide from everyone how much of a slut she really was, so she decided to fall back on all-too-familiar track of playing the victim. Apparently, these evil guys enubriated her, then forcibly took her to the toilet and raped her. Doh, slut shame has some very real reality warping powers…

What followed next was again all too familiar. Poor lads were expelled from the university, but that wasn’t enough. The case got blown out of proportion, so that even our head of Investigative Committee (all links in Russian) asked to deal with it. She then went on TV to talk about it and push her narrative (and get her attention whoring satisfied, no less). The guys were then dragged to court. One got 9 years, the other one 9.5. Reading about it makes my eyes bleed.

They still have a chance to appeal the ruling, but their chances are slim. The case was widely covered in press, so it is safe to say the ruling is very unlikely to change as at this point it’s a matter of preserving the judge’s reputation, and no one involved gives a fuck about the lives of these poor lads anymore.

The slut was picked on by some guys in her social circle, because, well, people are not stupid. They, for the most part, know what she did and how she’s just ruined the lives of several good men just to save her face. Of course it didn’t help.

It saddens me we now have this shit in Russia, even if in lesser proportions than in the US.

I have also talked to this law student girl I’m fucking about it, and she’s described a reality that’s even more grim. Apparently, if a girl wakes up with slut shame the next day after getting fucked raw, she can just go to police, and if they manage to find any evidence (say, guy’s hair, or fresh hickeys), then the guy is as good as done. The investigator actually has a required minimum of solved cases per month, so he’ll be overflowing with joy at a sight of such a simple case — she knows his name, she knows where he lives, and they have evidence. The judge will be just as joyful, they’ll tell the girl what to say in court, and will then joyfully put the poor lad behind steel bars for years just to make their work easier, because this way they won’t actually have to solve complex cases (that really matter!) to meet their required minimum. The guy doesn’t stand a chance. That’s fucked up on so many levels I don’t even know where to start.

As a high value man, I do believe I am unlikely to ever end up in such a situation, but still, the reality I’m facing here is pretty frightening.

Unfucking Myself with an Obsidian Dagger


The bigger one.

It was day 3 of meditation retreat. I was already past my breaking point, having cried in front of another attendee because I no longer write code for fun. Seriously. Some people were remembering their long gone parents or grandparents and how there weren’t able to tell them how they loved them, some were seething with self-loathing because of how fucked up everything in their lives was, some were just raving mad due to stress at work. And I was crying because writing code was no longer a fun activity for me. Doh!

So I was sitting in front of some guy, wondering whether that was it, whether I have already reached my aha moment and was ready to pack my stuff and leave enlightened. It didn’t add up, as the only experience that I had that resonated deeply with who I was wasn’t even remotely enlightening, and thus I was rightfully upset about it. Ok, I don’t write code for fun anymore, what now? Will that knowledge make my life easier? Obviously no.

Then I overheard a part of some other guy’s ramblings, and it came to me. What if I was actually faking deep inner work here? I’ve already spent a large part of the day trying to dig something up inside myself, and now that I was pretty much close to exhaustion, it came to me that I might have been looking in the wrong place. What if what I’m after is nowhere to be found simply because the tool I use, that voice in my head that does all the work, is not up for the task? What if what I’m actually after is that voice?

I didn’t have much time to follow this train of thought as our Zen master came to me and invited to have a private meditation with him. Sounds sleazy, I know. The ritual is actually quite simple. We just sat down in front of each other, looking each other in the eye, and I started digging. There was one problem though. My Zen master had the eyes of a devil, and I felt like he was seeing everything that was going on inside of me, and there really was nothing I could hide.

So I rambled for some time, describing the stuff I was feeling, and then I realized that I was just unable to move forward. Something was blocking me from going deeper into the emotions I was experiencing, and that something was a part of me. It was the funny inner nerd part, the mask I’ve put on when I was around 15 of a nerdy guy with good (but nerdy) humor who liked turning everything into a joke. I guess back then this was working well as a coping mechanism, because this persona made people laugh, and thus was attracting a lot of more or less positive attention.

But back to the story. My inner nerd was refusing to let me move forward and I decided to negotiate. So I told the him to get the fuck out and let me do my shit. He complied, leaving the room, and telling me not to do anything foolish while he’s away before closing the door. I was good to go. So I delved deeper, and that faggot opened the door right away and told me something along the lines of “hey, come on, you promised not to do that!” Fuck!

At this point you’re probably wondering what the fuck is going on here. Well, I was still sitting in front of my Zen master. I didn’t take any drugs, and I was (and still am) mentally healthy. I just wasn’t 100% there anymore.

My inner nerd wasn’t behaving, so I told him to get the fuck out again. He wouldn’t listen. And take note, all of this was happening under the evil gaze of my Zen master, from which there’s nothing you can hide. So I was left with no other choice. I looked my inner nerd in the eye. “You won’t go away? Die then!”

The room disappeared, and I couldn’t see my Zen master anymore. I was in a large dimly lit cavern, and my inner nerd was lying on his back in front of me, pale, motionless, but alive. The most terrifying part was that he was, essentially, me. I was looking at myself, with all my features as I know them, lying before me.

And then I noticed that my right arm was holding a large obsidian dagger with a blade some 30cm long. The moment I saw it, I knew what had to be done.

I struck. And I screamed. It wasn’t enough, so I struck again, and again, and again. I was driving the dagger deep into what essentially was my own flesh with horrifying frenzy. The body in front of me was quickly turning into a bloody mess, but I didn’t dare touch the face. And it was my face, looking somewhere upwards with an unmoving gaze. My arms got covered in blood, tears were running down my face, and I guess I was screaming in a pretty unsettling way. I don’t remember how long it lasted, but at some point I realized that the poor lad was dead.

“He’s dead,” was what I said then, “I killed him.”

And then the realization of what I just did has finally dawned on me. Imagine you had a dog. You grew up together, at times he fended off bullies who were trying to take your pocket money, he was always happy when you came home from school, and even your girlfriend was envious of him because she thought you were spending more time with him than with her. 10 years down the road you realize you don’t need your dog anymore. You still love him, but he’s more of a nuisance now. So you decide to kill him, just for the fact that he’s not useful anymore, by stabbing him to death with an obsidian dagger. And he accepts that, brings you the dagger in his teeth, and lies down in front of you, looking at you with these puppy eyes that dogs know how to make, waiting for you to decide his fate. How would that make you feel? Pretty fucking bad!

So for the next several minutes I couldn’t do anything but cry, looking at the mess on my hands.

“Time to leave,” was what I said next, without even realizing where this idea was coming from. I stood up (while still sitting in front of my Zen master and looking him in the eye!), and realized that I just cannot leave. “I cannot leave myself like that! I feel so sorry for myself…”

And for the next 10 minutes I was trying to leave, and was just unable to. More tears and screams followed, and my Zen master decided that it was enough and snapped me out of it. We went back to the main meditation hall, where the next session was to take place, which, to my delight, was dancing meditation.

The music started, and the moment I closed my eyes I was back in the cavern, with my bloodied body still lying on the floor. The vision wouldn’t let me go, and I realized there was something I needed to do. “I need to bury myself,” some inner voice said, and so while other attendees were dancing happily, I was first digging a grave, then burying my own body in it, and then dancing a farewell dance (I don’t know what the fuck is that) on top of the grave.

Then I could finally leave that cavern.

* * * 

Meditation is not for the faint of the heart, as you can see. I’m not saying that you’ll experience something similar, but if you really delve deep into it, you definitely will get some unexpected results.

I don’t know the best words for describing what has happened with me on this session, but the way I see it, I first managed to dissociate myself from a maladaptive mask that I’ve invented for myself in high school to cope with social anxiety that I had back then, then proceeded to destroy it, and then mourned it once it was dealt with. Note that the sequence of events I’ve experienced pretty much corresponds to the one of five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance).

Did it have any lasting effect on my life? I do think it did. I rarely wear that mask these days, and now that I have more of the real me closer to the surface, lying to myself has become more difficult. I cannot BS myself that easily anymore, and this actually has made my life somewhat more painful, as I have slowly started to uncover just how distracted and unhappy I truly am. Not a nice feeling to have, but then again, the fact that I at least feel it now is great.  On the other hand, being honest has become easier. I guess when there’s more of the real me in what I present to the world, the need to lie about myself slowly disappears.

I will be doing this more.

Yohami on Your Spot in Life

I’ve just read this on Riv’s blog and I thought I’ll leave this here.


When you act out of your real spot in life, life puts you back in your spot. If you resist, you split yourself pushing the pain down and doubling down in the pretense. That creates a void that requires a lot of energy to sustain, so you end up doing drugs and addicted to things, because the addiction matches your frame and it gives you a way to control your state. In my case it was nicotine, sex and alcohol. If you keep building on top of that foundation (acting out of your slot in life) you end up developing narcissism, BPD and other delusions (I’d guess that Elliot is there, RSD Luke is there, Max is going there). Having one of these disorders is great in that you feel bigger than life, when you’re up. But then if you get hurt the pain goes to the bottom and you swing violently to the other side. The narcissist injury really fucking hurts, and you cant prevent it if you built your frame with narcissism (telling yourself that you’re more than your slot in life), and the bigger the castle the more it gets fucked up, which is why I crashed and burned so many times when I was doing the switch, because I didnt know what I was doing.


More about acting out of spot.

If you dont like your spot in life, you feel pain. The pain comes mostly for not getting what you want, because what you want is assigned to people in a higher spot in life.

So pay attention here, to yourself and others.

What should a living being do if it’s in a spot where it cannot get what it needs to be happy?

A) Get out of the spot, change the spot in life.

B) Stay in the slot and pretend things are different.

Do you need more?

A is doing something brave, taking action, changing, fighting out there and changing life, is moving towards power, engaging in confrontation, competition, trying to win. This is inherently attractive to women.

B is staying safe, why? because of fear. This is inherently not attractive to women.

Now the real fantasy comes here: B decides that the pretense is going to be SO good, that even though the spot didnt move, the pretense alone will bring the real fruits that would have happened if the spot had moved.

So the problem with Game, as it was designed, is that it’s a product for people who want B plus benefits.

Krauser was saying the other day “you should be getting girls who are 2 points above your SMV”. Oh really, tell me more. What if I put more energy in the pretense, can I make it 3 points? can I get an eleven?

Even though Tyler and the other guys did move themselves out of their slot in life, because of how they approached this and how they are chasing it, they are still trying to get something that belongs somewhere else. Then it cannot be fulfilled. It just cant. Just by stating that you get a woman who is above your sexual value and feeling good about it – you are also saying you are two points below so you dont actually deserve her, so you’re putting yourself down.

Why? because of B. That’s why even though they could be alphas, and fuck BELOW their value like an alpha would do, which includes all the 10 and eleven girls, who are, let’s be honest, just pussy, so even thought they are situational alphas, in an alpha spot, and doing alpha shit, they are still B, chasing and pretending, with a hunger that cant be satiated, in a downspiral. Unless they catch up and BECOME instead of PRETEND.

Should be such a simple switch but here we are. Spinning around it.


More about the slot in life.

Max was saying in another video that he likes shy girls and girls who make him work for the notch. If he’s at a place and he has very, very hot girls trying to get laid with him, that turns him off. But if he sees a shy hot girl then that’s the one he wants, and he can work the whole night getting rejected and going through hoops and get THAT girl, and that makes him feel so good.

So isnt that the saddest fucking story in the world.

A nerd who women dont like, becomes alpha, so women like him. But he is still trapped in the old identity, so he looks for a woman who reinforces that identity and makes him feel not liked.

Because down there, in not being liked, is his truth, thats the real self, trapped in the point where the split began. That’s the one who’s hungry. All the girls who want to eat the alpha cannot touch him, because the Alpha is a pretense, it’s thin air, it’s an act, it’s a cementing act but it’s still an act, a fantasy, smoke. The shy nerd guy who nobody likes is the real thing, and is looking for validation.

Max, the badass uber confident Natural Alpha, if he gets into a relationship, it will be with a woman who makes him work for it, every fucking day, like he was just another beta.


Now. That’s the kind of a girl I’m banging sometimes:


On this photo is a random cutie I’ve found on Instagram who’s at most a seven on the scale. More likely a six. This is more or less the upper end of the quality I’m getting.

And then that’s the kind of a girl I want to be banging instead:


This one is an eight with perfect shapes.

One of my friends says that the solution to this problem is to do more approaches. I’m not so sure.