One sunny afternoon Vlad was sitting happily in a restaurant that is locally known as the sluthouse #1 in Moscow. On some evenings it’s packed with girls in 7+ range so tightly that you wonder if this is the pussy paradise you’ve been looking for all along, only to be disappointed later when you approach a girl sitting at the next table, and she introduces herself as Venera. I mean, come on, did your mother give you that name? Be a little bit more subtle in your whoring ways, girl!
Anyway, the mood was right, and I decided to give a call to a girl I’ve known for two years who we were kind of friends with. Let’s call her Sofia. Some background on her:
- My friend approached her on the street around three years ago, they did go to several dates, but never fucked.
- As she was a fun person to be around, he kept her as a friend, and that’s how I got to know her.
- She’s a lazy bum & a college dropout.
- She’s working as a model, but contracts are rare, and this isn’t bringing in much cash, so she’s looking for a rich guy to settle with.
- As she has no real work, she has tons of free time.
- Some of my friends say she’s a genuine 9 on the Russian scale, which is pretty much as high as one can get in the looks department. And she’s also very feminine.
- Oh, and some Russian oligarch is paying her bills right now and is fucking her several times a year. Note that she still doesn’t know that I know this.
Quite a mess, right? Well, guess what your humble servant Vlad did? Yeah, you guessed it right.
So I talked to her and somehow invited her to stay at my place for a week. I still have no idea how it worked out from “how have you been” to “I’ll be waiting for you at 9pm at my place”. So I thought, OK, that’s the worst possible combo for seduction, but I will still try. As Nash likes to point out, I want skin in the game, even if it’s a game of seducing a girl who’s been doing nothing in her whole life but getting wooed by HSMV men.
In case the brutal insanity of the undertaking hasn’t dawned on you yet, remember that (1) I’m firmly in the friend-zone with this girl, (2) there is another utlra-rich asshole in the picture fucking her, and (3) she’s looking for a hubby to jump cock.
First week together
So she moved in and we went to sleep. In the following days I just started running my usual jerkboy game, and after taking her to a fancy restaurant on day 4 tried to kiss her at home. My calibrating was saying the chances of landing that kiss were low, but I still tried even if only to send a message. She turned away and started giving me shit:
Her: Vlad, you know, we really cannot have an affair.
Her: Because I cannot move to your place!
Her: Yes, I know this sounds weird at this point, but this is how it works for me…
Me: Well, you can sleep in the kitchen if you want to. I’ll even place a cabinet for your stuff here. Besides, there is no better place for a woman!
Her: Ahaha, Vlad, you know this won’t work out.
So this obviously didn’t work out, and we just went to sleep.
Next day I went to a dancing event before going home, spent 30min dancing and getting pumped up with positive emotions, and then headed home. She was already there, and it was time for some reframing:
Me: You know, my colleagues asked me why I’m leaving at 8pm today, and not working my usual 12h-day. I bet they suspect something.
Her: Mmm… Like what?
Me: Like you? I actually told one of them that I have a forbidden affair waiting for me at home, and he was like “oh come on, we’re working 70h weeks here and he’s having an affair? wtf???”
Her: Ahaha [melts, accepts the “we’re having a forbidden affair” frame]
So we went to another restaurant, had some fun there, I played with jerkboy-style storytelling, then headed home. The vibe was great, and when in bed I just got on top of her and started kissing her. She was still resisting. I wasn’t ready to push it further, so I just went to sleep.
More dates & switching into a proper frame
I had to leave Moscow for a week after that, and wasn’t really communicating much with her. Apparently, that left her wondering if I was really into her, and on our next date she was giving me shit non-stop. Just some examples for you to enjoy:
Her: I don’t think this is working out.
Her: Why did we even switch from being friends into this?
Her: I don’t feel you’re sincere with me.
Her: We have no future together.
Imagine having this poured on you for two hours non-stop. Can be pretty frame-crushing, especially if executed by a pro who’s been on more dates than you and all your friends combined. And it was frame-crushing, I must admit.
So after that date I was sitting at home thinking what to do about it, and realized I needed to adjust my frame in our interactions. I basically had to change my attitude from:
1. I like you, you like me, let’s see where this leads.
2. I like you. You may kick and scream, but I’ll carry you though this, and in the end, you will thank me. [quoted almost verbatim from Fight Club]
Note how in (2) there are no options for the girl to choose from. It was actually pretty fun to see how easy it was to make an internal switch from (1) to (2), and how drastic was the change in Sofia’s reaction.
Looking at what Yohami teaches at Nash’s blog, this is basically a switch that brings one closer to a top guy frame:
…top guys don’t interact in this way, so the ‘now you decide girl’ is a tell that she’s dealing with a bottom guy, so it’s an invitation for her to pull the brakes and do a shit test, set a wall, play hard to get etc.
After I made that switch, we’ve had our first real enthusiastic makeout. And the shit tests above suddenly became very easy to handle. It’s almost as if I’ve traded my +1 tattered cloth for +5 plate mail of shit test deflection. After having another dinner together we got in my car and I drove us to my place.
Her: Where are we going?
Me: To my place.
Her: And what are we gonna do?
Me: Drink tea, eat desserts, and kiss. [we still haven’t kissed at this point]
Her: You sure?
Her: Oh, OK.
And we did kiss that evening. As simple as that.
What followed was 7 or so dates of me trying to figure out how to fuck this girl.
No big realizations, except that at some point she flat out told me that she needed to talk to me at least once a day for “emotional support”, and I never thought this might be important. I always considered calling a girl for no real reason every day a sign of neediness, but with Sofia these little chats have actually brought us closer together. And this “avoiding showing neediness” behavior is actually deeply rooted in my past, as I used to be very needy. The truth is as always very simple. If you’re not needy, then calling whenever the fuck you want is OK. If you’re needy, then it will seep through your every interaction, and carefully scheduling your calls won’t help.
And this is very ironic if you think about it. I used to be very LSMV, so I needed all the tricks & clutches to boost my perceived value to get at least some chance with the ladies. Now I’m HSMV, but I still cling to my old ways, which is obviously counterproductive. Pretty much like a millionaire stressing out because of missing a sale that could have saved him $50. And I bet I still have other places in my life where I unknowingly hang onto my old ways “because they worked before” while in truth the new me doesn’t even need them.
Making another switch, and failing
But back to the seven dates that followed. I was trying to figure out how to fuck her and she was giving me shit about how “there’s not enough rainbows & unicorns in our affair.” Meaning I don’t invest enough, I’m not giving her gifts, and not taking her to the Bahamas for a weekend. And while I technically could have done all of that, and it’s not like it would have made a dent in my budget, I really didn’t want to move into transactional sex territory with her.
It was quite surreal at times, as I’ve never had anything like this happen with any of the girls I’ve been with. Just imagine, we’re in my bed kissing, she’s all over me, but then I put my hand on her pussy, and it works as an on/off switch — she closes down, refuses to kiss me, and starts giving shit. Quite frustrating!
Besides, listening to her and giving her what she wants because that would mean sex would be like serving her my balls on a silver platter. I mean, look at these two scenarios:
I take a girl on a weekend trip to Italy because I like her, I want to spend time with her, and I want to show her the world.
I take a girl on a weekend trip to Italy because she told me that she might put out if I do.
The difference here is the difference between a guy in a healthy relationship and a pussy-whipped sap being milked for resources.
So I decided it was time to do another switch and just push against her LMR. The switch was from:
I’ll lead you to sex in a way that is comfortable for you.
Today we fuck, and I don’t give a shit how that makes you feel right now, I know you’ll feel good in the morning.
But as I have found out, I didn’t make the switch completely. She saw that, and it didn’t work out. The make or break moment was somewhere here:
[I’m on top of her, and she’s already tried everything to talk me out of it]
Her: You’re not giving me what I want, thus you don’t really care about me, thus I don’t think there are feelings.
[I stop instead of continuing to press on, seconds pass]
Her: So what are we doing here? What is your goal?
Me: Looking whether you’d get tired resisting, or I get tired of you. [Aaargh! Bottom guy speaking!]
Her: Oh really? Where did all your resolve go? [Now that’s a nuclear shit test deployed with 100% accuracy]
It went downhill from there. Several moments later I let her get up, she went to the bathroom, and made up her mind to leave.
Her: I’m leaving. You do realize it’s over? [she was visibly very angry at this point]
Me: We’ll see.
Her: There is nothing to see, it’s not working out.
Me: Your choice.
Her: Oh god. And you won’t even call me.
Me: Maybe when I’m drunk.
Her: On mojito? It doesn’t work like that with you.
Me: Yeah, it doesn’t.
She told me some more about how she doesn’t believe a man will start investing more after sex if he wasn’t before, which kind of betrays her outlook on relationships in general. At that point I was already in “I just hate this whore” state, so I didn’t bother to argue. “She wants to leave? Well, she can get the fuck out!” was what I was thinking pulling out my phone and getting her a cab.
Her: What are you doing?
Me: Getting you a cab.
Her: I can do that myself.
Me: Yes, you can.
Her: Then why are you doing that?
Me: “Why???” Like you don’t know. Because I want you to get home in comfort.
Her: Then why can’t you also do these other things I’m asking for??? [she was almost screaming at this point, this was obviously a very emotionally charged topic for her]
She left with a face of a girl who was about to cry. She probably cried in the cab.
Writing all of this down, I regret I don’t have a mic installed in my apartment on permanent recording, so that I could have listened to our conversation and looked again at what went wrong.
What of it
With this girl I’ve witnessed firsthand how a change in frame can affect the girl’s reaction. It’s one thing when you see it with different girls, and a totally different one when you switch to another frame and suddenly the same girl starts reacting very differently. It really does open one’s eyes.
And then I also got another punch in the face in regards to what my usual frame is. There’s a lot to work on here, and I’ll write more posts on that.
And now that the heat of the moment isn’t clouding my reason anymore, I can see more or less clearly where my mistakes were. Mistake #1: going for this girl in the first place. Mistake #2: banging against walls all the time, even though this girl was very unambiguous in pointing out where the door was.
“The difference here is the difference between a guy in a healthy relationship and a pussy-whipped sap being milked for resources???” Oh really? Sounds like a rationalization to me! The truth is as always the same. If you’re not a pussy-whipped sap, then nothing you do can turn you into one. It’s all about frame. Even though it’s true that I would prefer to be offered sex for who I am, and not for what I can provide.
What to improve: well, stop banging against walls. “Going for the kiss just to send a message” is nothing to be proud of.